DEATH, FUNERALS, AND ETERNITY

FUNERALS - THE VISITATION

I don’t pretend to be an expert on Funeral practices. My thoughts are based on experiences during my active ministry and the last five years of working part time at a Funeral Home. At the Funeral Home, my purpose is to assist grieving families in any way that I can, BUT not to take the place of their Pastor. I also am there to greet visitors when they arrive and help them to feel comfortable as they offer support to the family, simply by their presence.

During my active ministry, being a part of the family as death drew near and then through the stages of grief was probably the most rewarding and important service that I could offer.

Funeral customs vary greatly from state to state, rural to urban. One of the customs that varies is the VISITATION. In my first Parish in Crawford County, Ohio, the custom was to have visitation the day before the Funeral, often from 2 - 4 and 7 - 9. When we moved to Denver, Colorado, there were no scheduled visitation times. The family would go to the Funeral Home the day before for possibly a half hour or a little more and then return to their home. Visitors were welcome to call at the funeral home, but normally no family members would be present. Some relatives and close friends would go the house where the family had chosen to gather together. When we returned to Ohio, this time to Henry and Defiance Counties, the visitation schedule was normally two nights before the funeral from 7 - 9 and the day before the funeral 2 - 4 and 7 - 9. While that practice still takes place, many visitations today are from 2 - 9 the day before the funeral.

While the small cities of Defiance and Henry Counties have many residents who were born elsewhere, the rural area is still heavily populated by descendants of the families of those who came here from Germany, and they know each other quite well. This may be the main reason why our visitations are quite large. I have seen people stand in line for over two hours just to spend 1 minute expressing their sympathy to the family of the deceased. I have never heard a word of complaint because they had to wait so long. When we have a long line, I often say to a visitor that it might be two hours, they reply, I expected that and planned on it. What they are saying is, "if it takes two hours to let the family know how much I care about them at this time, then that is what they get."

I have observed many times a change in the family from before the visitation to after. Yes, they are still grieving. Yes, there are still sobs and tears. Yes, they still feel empty and hurting. BUT their head is held a little higher; there is a little more of a bounce in their step because friends and neighbors came and cried with them, and came and laughed with them in the midst of sorrow as they recalled those wonderful humorous memories. If you don’t normally attend a visitation, please reconsider. If Visitation is not a common practice where you live, discuss it in your Adult Bible Study Group, or talk with your Pastor and/or your Funeral Director about it. In this area, there are even visitations when Cremation is the option chosen and the body is donated directly for medical study and research.

I believe that the Visitation is a vital part of the Funeral process. I believe the Visitation is the most important way that you can say to those who mourn, "I care about you" and with the right words, hugs, actions or touch, you are also reminding them that God loves them, even in this time of sorrow.

I received a letter from Marie on Monday. I have received many letters from Marie. Her letters have always been positive, always showing pride in her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, brother and sisters. She always had good words concerning her church, her Pastor, the congregation and her Lord

She always included some quotes that she knew I would enjoy, some phrases that she remembered from long ago. She was so proud of her children and her writing almost beamed as she told me what they did for her. In the letter I received on Monday, she mentioned her late husband and his military service. She mentioned his letters and told me she wished she had saved more so that she could talk to the grandchildren and great grandchildren about their grandfather and great grandfather. She also sent a picture to me.

You may wonder why my THOUGHTS would be about a letter that I received from Marie on Monday. Here is why that letter is so special. She mailed the letter on Saturday. As the letter made its way from Ridgeville Corners to Toledo where it waited from Sunday Morning until Monday to be delivered to Defiance and then to my home, that letter became more and more important to me. Sometime in the darkness of Saturday night, fire began to find its way through Marie's home. The fire was noticed and the alarm sounded a little after 3:00 a.m. calling the Ridgeville Fire Department to the scene. The fire had too much of a head start. Marie’s pictures, mementos and her husband's military keepsakes were destroyed. A house full of memories, pictures, precious things that cannot be replaced were blackened with fire. And, yes, the fire took Marie’s life.

Now, do you see why that letter is so special to me. It is so special to me that I am not going to keep it. I am taking this letter and several others that I had saved along with the picture and giving them to her children so that they might have at least that little something to remember. I also want to give her family something else to remember. The letters I received from Marie and the conversations that I had with her convince me that she loved her Lord. If she was alert as her death came, I believe that Marie Caroline Plassman bowed her head, closed her eyes and simply said, My Lord, Thy Will be Done and as St. Paul says, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, she awoke and was welcomed in to the loving, open arms of Jesus in God’s Eternal Kingdom.

My thoughts today are the same as they are anytime I hear of a traffic accident. A single accidental death while traveling is tragic, but not as newsworthy as when many lives are lost. Bluffton University is an excellent Christian institution of Higher Education. I know that you join with me in offering prayers for those who lost their lives or were injured, to their families, and to all of those who are a part of the Bluffton University Community.

I will be working at the Rodenberger Funeral Home during the times of visitation for a lady today and for a gentleman tomorrow. Both were in their 80’s. As I think of these two people, the bus driver and his wife, and the four students, I know that there are families in deep sorrow. If you have read enough of my THOUGHTS, you know that whatever I hear or see, I ask, "What can I learn from that?"

About 30 years ago I attended a funeral for a young lady who died in an accident. The late Rev. Andy Ballas said in his message, "The old must die, the young can." As I think of these four young student athletes and their deaths, I am reminded that the next minute might be my last minute on earth. One of the injured students in a TV interview made a statement that I wish I had word for word. I had the impression that he was now looking at life in a new and different way. If the Bluffton University Traffic Tragedy can turn one life toward Jesus, then their deaths will not be in vain. "The old must die, the young can."